Grace for the Little Years
Oh man, friends. Do I wish I had some magic formula for you today to make dinner time with your little family a magical and meaningful time of connection. But umm….I don’t. Growing up I remember family dinner almost every night all the way through high school, and it was my favorite part of the day. I loved hearing about everyone’s day and getting a chance to share about mine. So when I had kids and they started sitting in booster chairs mashing avocado bites into their chubby little fingers I thought “well, it must be time to start family dinners!” You’re already laughing at me aren’t you? You know where this is going. I was so frustrated. I’d work so hard and put a meal together and then either the toddler wouldn’t touch it, the husband wouldn’t make it home when I was expecting him or when the toddler decided he was hungry and if we DID manage to sit down together no one was really having a conversation—we were picking up pieces of smashed food that had been flung or sippy cups of milk that had been tossed over the high chair tray while trying to shovel food into our own mouths before it was cold. It was a disaster. And many days, now with an almost 3 and almost 6 year old it still feels like a disaster. The kids are melting down before Charles gets home so I feed them and they’re off and playing before he walks in. The recipe everyone loved last week all of a sudden is the WORST thing they’ve ever had set before them and no one will touch it. The new recipe I’m trying for the first time is a disaster. Too many snacks were pilfered from the pantry at 4:30 and now no one is hungry for their actual dinner. Dinner time with little kids can just be a nightmare at times. But every day we try again. Why? Because I believe in it. I know what kind of family can be created when we gather almost nightly around a meal—even grilled cheese and a can of soup—and we learn to share our days, ask questions and listen well.
I mentioned to my mom when Aidan was probably 1 how frustrated I was with dinner time and she said “oh Sarah, when you girls were that age I fed you at 5 and you were asleep before dad and I ate our dinner, we didn’t have family dinners until you could stay awake later and we could push our dinner time back until dad got home.” See when I was thinking back to our family dinners in attempt to recreate them I was remembering the dinners we had from about the time I was 8 on. Once she said that I did remember a lot of meals eating with my sister while my mom plated food for her and my dad to save in the fridge for later (he often didn’t get home until we were in bed in those early years). As we got older we could wait longer to eat, stay awake later in the evening and my dad’s job was switched to be one where he didn’t work as many evenings. That reminder gave me so much relief.
When I can, we absolutely wait until my husband comes home and eat together. It’s short, the kids are done in a few minutes and ready to go play but we’re trying to help them learn to sit and share parts of their day with Daddy. We’re trying to model that mommy and daddy eat a bit slower and linger over a conversation for a few minutes longer, we don’t finish our food in the same 5 minute window they do. But you know what? Some nights everyone, including myself, is starving at 5:30 and so the 3 of us eat and we save Charles a plate. Some nights I feed the kids first and he and I eat when he comes home. Some nights when Charles is working later and I’m tired of the noise, the kids get to listen to an audiobook while they eat and I read during dinner and I don’t stress about fostering a table conversation. And very occasionally when mommy is really tired they can even watch a show in spite of my typical “no screens at the table” rule if daddy isn’t coming home for dinner. There is grace. There is so much grace. I know I have years to create stimulating conversations at the table. I know once we move past basic table manners and learning to try bites of food we don’t think we’re going to like we will have space for more meaningful discussion. But for now I just need to get everyone fed and hopefully pose a few questions about the best parts of their day and we call it good. I’ve read so many blogs and books about how to have meaningful family dinner time, how to promote stimulating conversation, teach good listening, create a family culture around the table and I love those ideas but the reality is the writers don’t usually have kids still in booster seats with plastic utensils. There’s a season for that and I don’t know that we are there yet. So to try and force us to be this perfect little family who loves dinner time together when really we are just trying to get food in tummies before the melt downs come some days isn’t fair to myself or my kids. Someday I hope we’ll have a table with great conversation that goes beyond “so what did you do today?” but I know we’re a few years from that still. There’s grace for each season and in this season with spilled milk and plastic plates and picky eaters we are laying a foundation that we can build upon over the next few years.
So mamas, remember there is grace. Keep feeding your family, substitute chicken nuggets when you have to just to get some protein in a picky eater, and don’t beat yourself up. Embrace the mess of this season and know that in a few years time around the table will look different than it does now.
Today's recipe is a new family favorite I discovered this fall. These Grilled Hawaiian Chicken Teriyaki Bowls are truly phenomenal--I shared the recipe on Facebook and had several friends try them and love them. I make my veggies into kabobs and grill them that way but however you grill veggies is great.
4-5 boneless, skinless chicken tenders, (or about 2 chicken breasts)
1 zucchini, sliced
4 mini sweet bell peppers, any color, chopped
1/2 a pineapple, peeled and cut into spears
1 small red onion, sliced thin
1/2 cup toasted sweetened coconut flakes, optional
2 cups water
1 1/2 cups canned unsweetened coconut milk, (about one 13.5 oz can)
2 tsp packed light brown sugar
1 tsp salt
2 cups jasmine rice, or white
1/2 cup soy sauce
2 Tbsp rice vinegar
1 Tbsp sesame oil
1/4 cup + 1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 Tbsp honey
3/4 tsp ground ginger
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tsp cornstarch+ 2 tsp water, mixed together
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
Pour 1/4 cup of the teriyaki sauce over the raw chicken and set aside to marinate for at least 15 minutes (or longer if using chicken breasts).
Prepare your grill and heat it to medium.
If you have a vegetable grill basket to grill the vegetables in, then chop them and grill them in the basket. If not, cut the zucchini and onion into large chunks and leave the mini bell peppers whole. Drizzle some olive oil over the vegetables and over the pineapple spears. Grill the vegetables for just a few minutes on each side and then remove to a plate. Grill the pineapple next by placing the pineapple spears directly on the grill. Grill for about 2 minutes on each side, and remove to a plate. Lastly, place the chicken on the grill. Cook for about 2 minutes on each side, or until cooked through. Remove to a plate to rest before slicing.
To serve, add coconut rice to each serving bowl. Top with grilled veggies, pineapple and chicken. Drizzle a little of the remaining teriyaki sauce on top. Sprinkle with toasted coconut, if desired.
