Gentleness

Hi friends! Happy New Year! The Polar Vortex has swept the nation this week and even here in Florida we’ve been seeing temps in the low 30s each morning, which is extremely cold for us! We even had school cancelled one day this week because of the potential for ice on the roads (which did happen, they had all kinds of traffic issues around town). Rumor has it we’re going to warm up into the 70s later next week, which also doesn’t feel right for this time of year. Sigh.

I don’t know about you, but often when New Year’s rolls around I find myself getting sucked into all the talk about goal setting, resolution making, habit tracking, and house purging that goes around social media. You can’t follow any content creator and not come across this whole “new year new you!” mentality—it’s pervasive online. And every year I start the year with some goal or word of the year or set of habits I’m determined to track, and every year by mid-January I’ve left those behind. This year, since I wasn’t on any social media (especially in that week between Christmas and New Year’s, that’s when I’ve found these voices to be the loudest!) I had far less internal pressure to fall into all the January 1 hype, and it gave me space to think about what I really needed as we moved into January. There are absolutely things I can work on in my life, exercise, diet, spiritual disciplines, we all have a list of things right? But here’s the realization I had. January does not have to be this magic month where all those things happen. Yes, we turn the calendar over. But January doesn’t have to be some mystical benchmark—if you want it to be, that’s awesome, but we have permission to start these life changes any month of the year.

Here’s what tends to happen for me. Because we’re on a school schedule, my kids aren’t back in school until January 7. A whole week into the new year. We are still absolutely traveling into January—this year we didn’t return home until the 5th. Which means any new year’s resolution or goal I have, I’m already a week behind by the time I’m back in my own house with control over my own routine. So every year, I start the year already feeling frustrated and behind because I couldn’t track my habit the way I wanted to starting on the first. The last two years especially I have found myself sending the kids back to school and feeling absolutely exhausted—we love traveling to see our families, but the mental load of the packing, unpacking, repacking and then unpacking again is a lot. Getting all the right gifts to the right state is a whole job in and of itself. Then returning home to a house that is still very much decorated for Christmas feels daunting as well. Trying to start some new bible reading goal or gym routine on top of all this has left me so overwhelmed in years past.

So this year, I decided to do something different. I told myself that January 1 wasn’t going to be my new year. February 1 was. The word that has reverberated through my mind all month this month has been “gentle.” January is for being gentle with myself, my schedule, my expectations for me and those in my home, gentle. This has been absolutely the biggest gift I’ve ever given myself I think (well, besides the Air Pods I bought a few years ago, those are still my favorite gift I’ve given myself!). This month has been so cold. I’ve worn sweats and hoodies (gentle clothes) as much as possible. I’ve scheduled literally almost nothing during the days while the kids are at school. I’ve napped every day. I have used my crock pot and cooked some incredible comfort foods that are warm and cozy (we’ve made Queso Chicken Chili, Crock Pot Beef Stroganoff, a Boursin Chicken Pot Pie bake and a Burrata Caprese Pasta Bake; satisfying meals that just taste like winter). I told myself my goals for each day were to make dinner, do one load of laundry, and one other task. That’s it. No being hard on myself to get through some huge to do list which is how I usually operate. I’ve gone for a few walks and done a lot of stretching, but I haven’t touched a weight or stepped into the gym.

From Thanksgiving, with unexpected travel happening that week, through New Year’s, our life was six weeks of non stop movement—a ridiculous middle school basketball schedule had us driving all over Jacksonville on school nights for games, we traveled for Thanksgiving and then to two states for Christmas. Chuck got his black belt in December and Asher had a stomach bug that lasted a full week. Both boys have birthdays in that stretch as well. Added to that were all the wrapping, organizing, card writing and decorating that went along with the holiday season. And when we hit January I realized I don’t need more things to do, I need a season to recover. So this year, I decided to take that month for myself and think about if I wanted to set any goals for 2025, and if so, plan on starting them in February.

And then…the day before the kids went back to school, we heard from an acquaintance that her parents had 16 week old puppies they were giving free to a good home and did we want one? We had been talking about getting a dog for awhile, Aidan especially has been begging, and we knew we’d probably end up with one eventually. These little guys were the exact size and type of dog we were interested in, so with 24 hours notice we brought home 16 week Ollie (short for Ollivander from Harry Potter) to join our family and well….it’s a good thing I didn’t set any goals for January because I literally am getting nothing done during the day! He has turned our lives upside down and brought more joy than I ever imagined possible to all 4 of us—I’m not even a dog person and man I love this little guy already. He’s half Pomeranian and half Shih Tzu and so so sweet. He’s finally sleeping through the night, and we’re doing pretty well with potty training, but I’m so so thankful I’m home all day with him to help all of us adjust to one another.

Now, I’m spending hours a day standing in my back yard, keeping him from eating everything in sight, letting him sniff and explore. I’m doing household tasks so much slower as I interact with him and keep him out of trouble, I’m getting up at 5 am when he wakes up, and napping when he naps. And through it all I keep repeating “gentle. You’re being gentle with yourself. You don’t have to be productive in every season.” I’m just trying to be present and it feels like the greatest gift.

It hasn’t been the easiest month. My anxiety went through the roof when we brought Ollie home, to the point that I had to reach out to my doctor and tell her I wasn’t okay. My body was still reeling from all the November/December busyness and without a day off we brought home this puppy. And it absolutely pushed me over the edge. I’m so grateful for the good friends who have walked these past few weeks with me. When I decided January was going to be the month of being gentle with myself, I had no idea my body was literally going to shut down on me and demand I stop the pace I was running. I feel like each day gets a little easier, but I’m still working through all the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety I was experiencing.

Winter. It’s for hibernation. It doesn’t have to be for remaking ourselves or striving. Spring feels like a more natural time for those things, so I don’t know if anyone else needs this permission, but it’s okay if you tried to start something new the month and have already found yourself frustrated because the weather is terrible or school keeps getting canceled and all your best laid plans went out the window. Pick another month, start again. You aren’t a failure, maybe the season you’re in just demands a little less effort and a lot more compassion for yourself. Be gentle with you, you are pretty amazing even without habit trackers and goal planners.