Scaffolding

For centuries women who have managed a home or household have utilized routines and rhythms to help ensure tasks were completed and life kept flowing smoothly. You may have heard your mother or grandmother talk about “Washing Monday” or “Market Wednesday” or “Baking Friday” and I know this style of creating rhythms around household chores goes back generations. It was these regular and routine tasks that needed to be done weekly that provided the scaffolding for a homemaker’s life. Week after week, Monday after Monday, clothes were washed with whatever means she had and hung to dry. Week after week, Friday after Friday, the flour, yeast and salt were pulled from the cupboards and loaves of bread or batches of cookies were readied for the weekend.

When I became a stay at home mom, I embraced this style of homemaking wholeheartedly. Routines and rhythms came naturally to me, and for years now, while sometimes the days of the week I do a particular task have changed over the years, I still have very solid weekly routines. Each person’s laundry is done on a particular day of the week (I separate clothes by where they end up at the end of the folding process instead of by darks and lights!), I know every Thursday I’m going to change our sheets and every Monday I’m making sure we have whatever groceries we need on hand for the upcoming week, whether thats via an Aldi trip or a Walmart pickup order. I know we are going to have leftovers for dinner on Thursdays to clean out the fridge before garbage night and that every other Friday my kid’s bedding is changed. These simple rhythms keep our home running smoothly. And honestly, for any new mom who is struggling, creating these simple rhythms is one of my biggest pieces of advice to start to feel like you’re staying somewhat on top of things that tend to overwhelm us. These simple rhythms created a scaffolding around our home life that provides the support for the rest of our week.

This past winter however, I had a realization. If you read my post last month about gentleness, you know that my body and anxiety pretty much demanded I press pause and stop trying to get all the things done, that I not institute any new resolutions or goals until I’d had a few weeks to recover from the chaos of the Thanksgiving through New Year’s season, plus the addition of the new puppy to our home. And that was the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself. Truly, I will forever and always consider January to be my “Gentle Month” and give myself permission to hibernate with cozy clothes, soups, books and naps. I loved it. When February rolled around I was feeling ready to begin reentering the world so to speak, and a realization hit me. I have all these habits and routines built into my life over the past 13 years that are great, but they are all about how I take care of the people around me. They are so important, and also, not one of the habits I do on a regular basis are directly about caring for myself. Don’t get me wrong, staying on top of the laundry absolutely does help my mental health, but at its core it’s still a habit that is about other people and their needs.

My primary care doctor had asked me to consider what are the things I can put in place to help work on my physical and mental health and as I started reflecting on that question, I realized she was basically asking me to start building a scaffolding of self-care in my life. So for the past month I found myself asking the question what are things that make me feel the healthiest, most grounded, and most like myself? Not what needs to get done for the people in my home but what needs to get done so I can feel my best? I made a list and made it my goal to try and do each of those things every day. I knew there would still be lots of days I didn’t get to all of them, but the point was that I was trying to be intentional with the free time I did have and use it in a way that actually served to make me feel good in my mind and body, and dang it if it didn’t work!

I don’t want to imply at all that a routine of walking, reading, reaching out to friends, writing and cooking is going to cure anxiety or depression or anything else, however what I found is that having this list of things that I enjoyed doing that actually made me feel good when they were done was a huge step towards feeling so much more grounded. This past month I made it my goal to read one chapter in my non fiction book every day (some kind of faith based book), journal for 15 minutes a day, reach out to one friend or relative every day which was such a fun challenge! and walk for 30 minutes—this one proved to be the hardest to be consistent with but I knew that would be the case, I’m working on it! These things provided the scaffolding for my days this month. Sometimes I’d do them all in the morning, sometimes I’d scatter them throughout the day depending on my schedule, and some days I got to about half of them.

One thing having this list at the ready did for me is that when I found myself with some free time I didn’t immediately pick up my phone to scroll a news site or something, I would mentally know, “okay I haven’t journaled yet today so that’s what I need to do with this window of time” and it felt like this little list of goals kept me a bit more focused throughout the day. I’m doing the same this month, although I did come to the realization that doing everything on my list every day was a bit much (there were a few other things on there too besides what I listed above, so it ended up being a lot!) so for March I’ve divided them into even and odd days, and will work on doing these things on their assigned day. It still feels like scaffolding to me, giving shape to my downtime, keeping me accountable and motivated to doing the things I know will make me feel my best in the long run. So this month, I’m wondering what those things are for you? Have you ever taken the time to name those things, or like me, did you ignore these things for a decade, focusing instead on all the things our people need us to do? Remember, January isn’t magic, we can implement one new little habit smack in the middle of March if we want and it will still make a difference!