To the Mama Who Is Already Over Summer
I had just closed my eyes and started to drift off to sleep at the end of a hot summer day home with my kids that I swear was at least 150 hours long. Squabbles over toys, whining about being bored, the never ending “mommy will you play with me?” requests, no naps, me battling a summertime cold and feeling run down plus potty training a 3 year old made for a day that just left me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, wondering how in the world we were going to survive the rest of the summer. Just as I finally closed my eyes I heard the telltale cry over the baby monitor. Asher was beginning a night terror. He’s slowly growing out of them, but when he is really overly tired, stays up too late, or skips naps too many days in a row, he still has them. Not a nightmare, a night terror, where his little brain is stuck between sleep and wakefulness in a REM cycle purgatory and he can’t wake up but can’t resettle himself into sleep. It means he screams and thrashes in his crib for awhile as I stand over him and wait for him to fully wake up, gently talking to him, asking him every few minutes if he can hear me. I was so tired, ready for sleep myself, and my poor little guy just laid there screaming, oblivious to my presence and unresponsive to my voice. It wasn’t anything new, we’ve been here before many times over the years with him but at the end of this particularly rough day it felt like one more straw ready to break the proverbial camel’s back. I stood there in the dark listening to him scream and out of exhaustion, frustration and helplessness I said “God what in the world?! What in the world is there in this day for me to be thankful for? How can I be thankful in THIS moment??” I have no idea why that was the prayer I prayed but an answer came so swiftly I can only assume the Holy Spirit had something to say to me and that’s why I had to ask that question. “Be thankful that you are here.” That was it. It hit me like a ton of bricks and immediately my perspective shifted. I was here with him. He was screaming and screaming and eventually would wake up and be ready for his Mommy’s arms to comfort him and I was there, ready and able to do so. How many little ones around the world were going to sleep that night crying for a mommy that wasn’t able to come to their side for a variety of reasons? And there I was, right there, ready to rock him back to sleep. Something shifted in me and all of a sudden I saw the frustrations of the day differently. I was there. I got to be the one who played Mouse Trap and read books and broke up squabbles. I got to do bedtime snuggles even though in the moment I wanted to run away from the noise and chaos. I got to be there.
The next morning I had 5 free minutes while the kids were watching a show and so I opened my bible to the Psalms with God’s words from the night before “Be thankful that you are here” reverberating around in my heart. I said “okay Lord, what do you need me to know today?” And I opened right to Psalm 40 where I read
“Lord my God, you have done many things—
your wondrous works and your plans for us;
none can compare with you.
If I were to report and speak of them,
they are more than can be told.”
So many reasons to be grateful. So many reasons to worship. Even in the midst of mess, exhaustion and wondering how many weeks can possibly be left until school starts. I stuck an index card on my kitchen cabinet yesterday that just says “how can you be thankful RIGHT NOW” to remind me to shift that perspective throughout the day. Asher’s favorite song from Kids Camp this past week was called A Million Reasons and is all about the millions of reasons we have to say “thank you Lord.” We have a big poster board leaning up against our fireplace with our summer bucket list on it and this morning I turned it over and wrote at the top “A million reasons to say thank you Lord” and told the boys we were going to list things every day that we are thankful for—maybe a couple times a day when we need to pause and re group and remind ourselves of the amazing people, places as things we have in our lives this summer. So far they are thankful for trampolines, squirt guns, Firehouse Subs, Gabe, Elijah and Adventure Landing. And I’m so grateful for those things too.
Man, the summer is long. But to the mama who is also exhausted and wondering how she’s going to make it, you will. Eventually school will start, the weather will cool (okay maybe not until Halloween…) and routine will once again help our days flow a little smoother. Because God is faithful and because you are present and He longs to remind you to stop and look for Him in the midst of the mess and chaos. And maybe hire a sitter one afternoon a week just so you can go hide in Starbucks for a couple hours where I promise you no one will ask you to play Mouse Trap yet again or tell you they just went potty in their underwear.
You are right where you need to be, dear Mama, long days and all. God's called you to this season and He won't leave you alone.