Five on Friday--June 12

Hi friends! Happy Friday! Thank you so much to those of you who sent messages asking where last week’s post was. I am so honored you even noticed that there wasn’t one! But the truth of the matter is that with everything happening in the news last week I believed it was more important for me to spend the week being quiet and listening instead of sharing more words. Mine wasn’t a voice that needed to be heard. It still isn’t really. I have so much learning to do. And listening. And confronting biases I realize I hold inside simply based on life experiences and where and how I was raised. We all have them. I think we’re fooling ourselves if we think we don’t. And I’ve been on a journey over the past couple years to learn more, to try and do better, but I realize I have such a long ways to go when it comes to understanding issues of race, bias, prejudice and systemic oppression in our country. I won’t stop learning. But also, there’s room too for lighter things, for book recommendations and recipes and TV shows because I think it’s okay to have balance—making room for the weighty and essential work we all need to do as well as simpler things. This little 5 on Friday series has always had room for both, and I promise that will continue. So in true 5 on Friday fashion, today I’m sharing thoughts on the dangers of political echo chambers, a podcast I adore, a beauty product making me so happy right now, a Netflix special we loved, and revisiting a section from last June’s 5 on Friday posts about what to do with all the end of the year kid paperwork that comes home from school—how to decide what to keep and how to store it for them long term.

ONE

It’s been quite the past couple weeks hasn’t it? Or umm months? There has been so much collective grief and unrest in our country, it’s brought up a lot in many of us. I’ve realized over the past few years, really since the 2016 election, that there are certain people I am willing to engage in conversation with about politics or more heated hot-button issues, but that list of people actually isn’t very long, and when most people try and bring up politics I often find myself shutting down for some reason. I find myself listening, but not really engaging. Yet with other people I find myself opening up, more willing to have a dialogue. I couldn’t figure out why some people felt “safe” to talk about heated issues (or theology when it ventured into more controversial areas) with, and others didn’t, but it was a very real sensation.

Recently, however, I was listening to my favorite political podcast (I’ll share what this is in my next section) and they were talking about labeling oneself politically on an online dating app of all places (someone had written in asking for advice on how to put oneself in a “box” when you didn’t feel like you fit in a box). One of the hosts said something that immediately resonated with me. She said “If there is a spot to add extra comments, I’d write in that you are more of a political moderate but you are looking for someone who is curious and humble above all else. Someone who will admit that maybe they’ve gotten some things wrong and are willing to try and understand another point of view.” Curiosity and humility. When I heard those words I immediately knew these qualities were what made the difference in whether I wanted to speak with someone about a political issue or not. I respect people who know what they think and believe. But if that certainty comes without a curiosity to understand why someone may think differently, or without a humility that says “this is what I believe, but I admit I could be wrong, I’m only working from my worldview which is limited,” then I’m pretty much not interested in engaging with that person on anything having to do with difficult topics. (You can sense it in a conversation, when folks start throwing around phrases like “they’re all nuts, this is stupid, they’re wrong, that group of people is just ignorant” I immediately shut down, when we get to the point of labeling groups of people we are past the point of being open to understanding them). It’s grace that feels like it is missing in so many of our dialogues today, we don’t always want to understand the other side. We see this in the way we often create echo chambers for ourselves with the media we consume. If we are a democrat, it’s really easy to only listen to podcasts and news stations and only read web pages that support the things we already believe. This continues to affirm our position and entrench us more with the voices we already agree with. Likewise, if we find ourselves leaning toward the republican side of things, it’s really easy to check only certain websites and listen to certain talk show hosts that only contribute to entrench us more and more in the views we hold. I don’t want to be someone that lives in an echo chamber of voices that agree with me. That is certainly easier, and takes less effort, but when we only listen to people who support what we already think we lose the reality that most situations in our world are very complicated and nuanced and depending on where someone is standing in the situation their perspective may be very different from the one I hold. But it’s difficult and it takes time to be curious. I made a commitment to myself recently that every day when I checked for news and headlines I would check both conservative and more progressive sites to see how both sides are reporting on the same issue. I don’t do this because I have some love of looking at news sites. But I don’t want to ever think that one side has a monopoly on truth in our country and I don’t want to find myself in a place where I start thinking in an us versus them mindset no matter what those us and them groups are. What I found as I’ve started doing this is that in many cases, it is a lot harder to figure out what I actually believe about situations. But honestly I think that’s a good thing because most of the situations we have found ourselves in recently as a country are so complicated and it should not be easy to figure out what we actually think about them if we are genuinely trying to approach something from multiple points of view that are different from our own. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with knowing what we believe! Convictions are good! But clinging to them with tight fists and refusing to acknowledge that the “other side” might also care about our country, might also be intelligent, might also love people and love God and want what’s best for people is how we’ve landed ourselves in a space where people are no longer listening to one another or curious about the other. Destroying the image of God in one another by our shots across the aisle, by our generalizing of people, and by refusing to think we ourselves could have something wrong is hugely problematic.

Curiosity and humility. Those things feel so hard to practice in our world today. But these two things can be life changing. I spent a lot of years believing and thinking one way about our politics in this country and the role of the church in the midst of that. About two years ago I found myself at the Evolving Faith Conference, a nationwide gathering for folks who lean toward the more progressive side of politics and love Jesus like crazy, but have struggled finding a place in many churches where they’re welcome because of their beliefs or lifestyle. I was challenged on so many levels, and have spent the last 18 months still reflecting on what I heard people share—personal stories of incredible pain where they were flat out rejected by faith communities because they thought “outside the box.” I heard from many people of color and many folks from the LGBTQ+ community stories that broke my heart. And in that space I realized my worldview was so so limited. That’s the biggest thing I came away from that conference with. The realization that unless I had walked with communities that were very different from mine, unless I had shut my mouth and truly listened to the stories and life experiences our friends of color were sharing, unless I started diversifying the list of authors I was reading, podcasts I was listening to and websites I was checking for news sources I was only living in an echo chamber. The only way to put ourselves in another’s shoes is to truly listen to the stories of others, not discounting their experiences but believing them, honoring their pain even if we don’t understand it or haven’t experienced it. It would be absurd if I sat across from you and you shared with me symptoms you were experiencing in your body that were leading you to believe something was wrong only to have me tell you you must be making things up, you weren’t REALLY experiencing those strange symptoms, it was all in your head. Yet we do that to one another all the time, discounting the pain of certain people groups because we haven’t personally experienced what they’re saying. We haven’t listened well. I haven’t listened well. And for that I am so so sorry.

There’s a newer Tim McGraw song called Humble and Kind, and the first time I heard it I thought it was super cheesy. But I think that’s what we’ve been missing. Humility and genuine kindness in how we think about one another, how we believe one another, how we hear one another and in how we speak about one another. Humility, kindness and curiosity. I think we need to start here.

TWO

I said above I have a favorite political podcast, and it’s true! I don’t know that I’ve shared about it here on the blog yet, but I thought I would today. Pantsuit Politics has become one of the podcasts I try really hard and make time for each week. Sarah Stewart Holland and Beth Silvers are two incredibly intelligent women who are both wives, mothers, attorneys, Christians, and passionate about our country. However they built their friendship and podcast speaking about politics when they were each representing different political parties. I love these women and the way they are able to have conversations about very difficult situations that are full of grace, recognizing that one side isn’t the villain or the victim but that these situations we live through are so nuanced. They post new episodes every Tuesday & Friday, discussing the week’s news, but also sometimes doing deep dive educational episodes like “What is the bill of rights” or the electoral college or what is the deal with Syria and why does it matter. In the interest of full disclosure, Beth has been a life long Republican and up until about a year ago their intro was “This is Sarah from the left and Beth from the right…” However in the past year she has recently changed her party affiliation because she truly believes President Trump has harmed a lot of people groups with some of his statements and policies. She still brings a different voice to the table as she isn’t really a democrat either, but I just wanted to be up front about the fact that even though she represents the “right” in many ways and ideologies she is not a fan of our current President. I’ve learned a ton from them and am so thankful for their voices. They’ve also written a book called I Think You’re Wrong but I’m Listening that might be helpful for all of us heading into another election year! (I admit I haven’t read it yet but it’s on my list!) They’ve done a few episodes lately on race that I thought were incredibly challenging and excellent conversations. On June 5 they had a conversation with Lisa Sharon Harper, one of the women I’ve been following for awhile now and have learned SO much from about the history of black lives here in America. It was a conversation about re imagining a world with a different type of police force and was excellent—incredibly challenging to listen to without getting defensive, but an important conversation. Then on Tuesday of this week their episode was on how we react to systemic racism and reform, again another difficult but important conversation to help us push ourselves out of the echo chambers many of us find ourselves in.

THREE

In the midst of everything going on in the world it feels silly to mention some things that are, shall we say, fluffier? But even in difficult times little things that bring us joy matter too. One of the things I’ve always loved is having my nails painted—there is just something about having polished nails that makes a huge difference in my mood or in feeling more put together even if I’m just hanging out at home all day. For a long time now I’ve used Essie Gel Couture nail polish, and it really does last about a week before chipping too badly, so every week I’d repaint my nails and it was a fun little ritual I kind of enjoyed. Then for Christmas my sister gave me a set of Color Street Nail Polish strips and showed me how to do them, and I fell in love with how fun and easy they were! They are very bizarre to explain but they kind of look like stickers, or the old press on nail stickers but they are actually strips of dried nail polish that you press onto your fingers. No drying, no possibility of smudging them. You remove them with regular nail polish but they don’t chip for a good 10 days! You can get basic colors or a ton of fun designs—one pack will get you at least 2 manicures. Anyone else obsessed with Color Street? Definitely a fun thing to try in these months at home!

FOUR

Did anyone else love country music in the 90s? Or umm still love 90s country? This week Chuck and I watched the two part Garth Brooks documentary on Netflix called The Road I’m On and it was so fun! To look back on his career, to hear how he got his start, to see the way he walked away to raise his girls and came back over a decade later was a pretty fantastic journey. We’ve now been listening to Garth on our Alexa throughout the day and it’s bringing me back to high school and college with some great memories of these songs. What struck us when watching after having recently watched the Michael Jordan documentary on ESPN recently is that Garth is every bit as talented at his particular craft and had unbelievable success, yet had such a different persona and demeanor. He was incredibly committed to his craft to the time he put into his work and to his desire to be a remarkable performer, yet his band mates didn’t have anything negative to say about him, they had such a genuine love and respect for him and how he treated people and how he worked with his team. It was such a contrast to the feeling we got listening to Michael talk about himself and his career. Garth teared up every 5 minutes reflecting on the sheer gratitude he carries for getting to do something he absolutely loves for so long. There was a genuineness and humility to him that MJ seemed to lack. Both superstars in their own rights, yet the difference in humility and gratitude was striking. Definitely worth checking out if you were a Garth fan!

FIVE

It’s that time of year again—the school year has ended and we have this break before another begins (although the end of this year certainly felt a little anticlimactic and nebulous!). Which means it’s time to deal with the pile of papers that each child has come home with (or in our case this year, we picked up from the school in a trash bag full of stuff from his desk). I wrote about this a year ago but it was something I got so many comments on and questions about that I thought it was worth sharing again because it’s something all folks with kiddos have to deal with—what do we keep, how do we store it, and what do we recycle? So if that applies to you, this is what I shared a year ago about saving that which is Best, Favorite or Necessary and how we go about implementing this in our house. Thanks for reading everyone, and we’ll see you back here next week!

A couple years ago at Christmas there was a big, heavy box wrapped under my parent’s tree with my name on it. I couldn’t wait to open it, wondering what it possibly could be. My folks are usually really great gift givers, so I just KNEW it was going to be an amazing gift and I waited patiently until it was time to open presents. They set the box in front of me with a grand “ta-da!” and I pulled back the wrapping paper. Inside was a brown shipping box taped shut. I cut the tape, opened the flaps, and found a box absolutely full of….wait for it….all my childhood “treasures” with a note on top saying they were done storing it and at the age of 34 it was time to take to my own house whatever it was that I wanted to save. The “gift” was that they paid for the box to be shipped to Florida.

Ahh all the childhood papers and school stuff and art projects and class pictures and character certificates….it all piles up, doesn’t it? I know it’s not just my kids that come home with backpacks full of stuff and if I’m not careful I find myself buried in glitter glue snowmen or coloring pages of The Hulk that they did during that one rainy day recess. Especially now, at the end of the school year, piles of things arrive on my kitchen counter as desks and cubbies are cleaned out. Or maybe you’ve been making a pile somewhere all year of projects that have been coming in the door , and you are now finished with school and faced with the task of what in the world to do with all this stuff. It may sound funny, but receiving that Christmas “gift” a few years ago just as my kids were starting school helped me really think through the conundrum of what to save and how to store it. You see, when my sister and I went through our boxes of our childhood stuff at the ages of 32 and 34, we found that about 80% of the stuff in that box we honestly didn’t care about.

Emily Ley is the creator of the lifestyle brand Simplified. She makes the day planner I’ve used for a couple years and has written a couple books and does a lot on social media around the idea of simplified living. Her motto when it comes to kid’s stuff (or honestly any stuff in the house really!) is that they keep what is Best, Favorite or Necessary. If it doesn’t fit into one of those 3 categories neatly, it doesn’t get saved. I’ve adopted this motto wholeheartedly over the past couple years and now that we’re 5 years into school (between preschool and elementary school) we have a great system in place for dealing with kid paper stuff. You may have an awesome system in place but if you don’t, I’m going to share what has worked for our family—what we keep, what we don’t, how we decide, and how we store the things we are hanging on to.

When things come home from school I look over the paper or project and decide a couple things. Is this something I want to display—is it a worksheet where we traced letters to practice our handwriting? I admire it and we recycle it. If it’s an art project, or a test with an awesome grade, I have one spot in my house (the pantry door) where I display kids work—I use washi tape to put projects on the door. When the door is full and new things come home, I’ll pull down something older and ask myself “is this really the best thing, the favorite thing or a necessary thing to keep?” If it has a hand print or footprint on it I automatically say “yes, it’s a mommy-favorite, it’s a keeper.” If it’s a test with a good grade, well we’ve probably admired it enough, and it can be recycled because we don’t need every spelling test, we’ll get the report card at the end of the quarter showing us our overall grades. If it’s a coloring book page, well again there are going to be hundreds of these throughout our childhood, I physically can’t store them all! We’ve admired it and we can recycle it and put up something new. Honestly my kids have never asked where their stuff is, they have moved onto the next thing and don’t care anymore. And I tell them, “I am so proud of your work, but we have a limited amount of space and we can’t keep it all.” They want to be celebrated in the moment and are fine with things being recycled as long as it’s not a “best, favorite or necessary” item. If a certificate or character award or report card comes home that goes in a file folder I keep in the kitchen all year labeled “for memory boxes.”

At the end of the year (so this was my project this past week) I go through my memory boxes folder and we file things away. Each kiddo has ONE plastic storage tub that fits under their bed. This is where special art projects we want to keep go that are bigger than the 8x11 slots in a file box. Honestly I try and keep only about 5-7 things from the year because we have a LOT of years of school to go and a limited amount of storage space! Each kid also has a file folder box like the one pictured above which are their “memory boxes”. This is where I file things like the final report card from the year, certificates, their class picture, a copy of that year’s school picture, any birthday cards from that year I want to save for them etc. Anything that will easily fit in a hanging 8x11 file folder. And that’s it. Most things that come home end up recycled and we keep only those essential “best, favorite or necessary” items from the year.

I have friends that are huge savers and that’s totally fine! However, just something to consider if that IS you, think about what you would do if your parents arrived at your house tomorrow with boxes and boxes of your art projects and school work from your years of school and said “we’re done storing this, it’s yours now!” As my sister and I sorted through our Christmas “gifts,” what we realized is we honestly could care less about most of it. It went into the recycling bin 30 years later after being stored and moved from house to house by my parents for 3 decades. What we really wanted to keep were about 1-2 things from each year that showed who we were that particular year. The hand print crafts where we could see our little palms. The very first “book” I wrote as a 7 year old (about the Pilgrims in case you were wondering, I don’t know why publishers weren’t knocking down my door, it was a gem!). The birthday cards from my 4 grandparents who are no longer with us but whose handwriting is so precious to me. The newspaper clipping from the day the Sacramento Kings won a spot in the NBA conference finals (if you didn’t know me way back when you probably don’t know our family were DIE HARD Kings fans and went to a ton of games each year. I may have even had Sacramento Kings wallpaper on my bedroom wall in middle school….) Those are the things I wanted that defined my childhood. The best things. We didn’t care about our random hand writing assignments, coloring pages or multiplication tests. So as I think about the things I think my boys are going to want to see again some day, I try and remember they aren’t going to want to see it all. They will want to pull out and show their kids the absolute best or favorite things from their 1st grade year. It’s okay to give yourself permission to recycle some things, help them narrow things down to their very favorite couple of art projects from the year and explain that you are saving room for what’s to come next year. Someday their 34 year old spouses will thank you for not arriving with boxes and boxes of memorabilia they have to find a place for!