Five on Friday
Hi friends! And hello to another weekend! I had a few of you message me this past week to ask where last week’s post was, which was so incredibly kind that anyone even noticed there wasn’t one! Last week’s absence of post was due to the fact that my allergies have apparently decided to try & kill me this month and I spent a lot of last week just wondering what day it was due to the exhausted and fuzzy brained side effects of whatever histamines were in the air. I’m still not feeling one hundred percent this week, but we are making it through over here. As I start writing this on Tuesday I’m still not sure what my 5 things are yet so we will see where this post takes us, but as always, thank you for reading along!
**ONE**
Last Saturday was my 42nd birthday, and I have to say, while it was a quiet day, it was the perfect day. For my 40th, my husband threw me the absolutely fabulous party, which will probably go down as my favorite birthday ever, and this year there was no party, no big gathering, and yet it was exactly what I wanted. Some seasons call for big celebrations, others call for sweet and slow. We have been running non stop since late August. I just didn’t realize what having a kid playing a school sport would mean for our entire family’s after school hours. We also haven’t ever done youth group before, which started pretty much the same week football did, and that’s another two nights a week. These things have been SO good, I am so glad Aidan’s involved in both. But also, it’s a lot of coordination in those afternoon and evening hours. When I saw that my birthday was on a Saturday this year my first thought was “oh thank goodness there’s nowhere I have to be at a certain time that day!”
When Chuck asked what I wanted to do this year for my birthday, I said I wanted to do something fun as a family, I wanted to read, I wanted to watch some college football, and I did not want to cook. That’s all I needed this year! As I have gotten a bit older I have started being more willing to say aloud exactly what I want for these special occasions. I find that just helps everyone, no one is trying to read my mind, and I’m not disappointed at the end of the day when I didn’t get to do the one thing I really wanted because I never told anyone what it was that I wanted in the first place.
The boys helped Chuck make me breakfast that morning while I read. We headed out to the beach to play together—it was a gorgeous fall morning, not really hot enough to make people want to get in the water, but perfect for playing in the sand. We took bocce ball and Kubb, our favorite lawn game my sister taught us, and just had fun playing together (I would like to also point out I went completely undefeated in both games. I may not be the athlete in the family but apparently I aim the best when throwing things!). We hit up our favorite sub shop on the way home for lunch, I slept through the first half of the Clemson game but then had lots of time to watch the second half and subsequent games while I worked on my diamond art project and built stuff out of magnets with Asher. We headed to a last minute dinner with friends that evening and went to bed early. It was a perfect day, and I am so grateful.
I’ve heard women express frustration over special days like birthdays and mothers day, that they never seem to get to do the thing they really wanted. And I’ve been there too. Enough older women in these Facebook groups where comments like this are expressed however, have taught me that it’s okay to ask for what you really want. It’s okay to say you want to go to this specific place for dinner and you want a nap or time to read before that or you want lunch with girlfriends. It’s okay to name what matters most to you about a special day, and that doesn’t have to take away from the celebratory nature of the occasion. I’ve found that to be so true. The people in my life, specifically my husband, are so willing to help orchestrate what it is that might feel celebratory in a given year but they aren’t mind readers! He doesn’t know just by looking at me if I want a big party with friends or I want to nap through college football because that actually feels the most relaxing in this busy season, so after all these years, I am finally learning to just TELL him. I know, it’s a crazy concept. But if holidays or special occasions feel like they never quite hit the mark for you, I wonder if it would help to start naming what you need most from the day. Or for a day like Mother’s Day, I’ve learned to save Sunday for however the boys want to celebrate me, it is a day for them to honor their mom the best ways they know how. But on the Friday before Mother’s Day, while they are in school, I always block out that day for myself to do whatever it is I want—last year it was wandering the used bookstore for several hours, other years I’ve done lunch with a friend and a pedicure—whatever it is that feels relaxing and celebratory I just make space on another day to do those things so I’m free on Sunday to enjoy whatever breakfast they’ve made or do whatever fun family outing they want to take me on. There’s nothing magical about that one day, it’s okay to spread out the celebrations a bit to fit in both what you desire to do and the things your loved ones want to do to celebrate you.
**TWO**
One of the other reasons there wasn’t a post last week is because I’m realizing how hard it is to write something every week and stay on track with this reading goal I set for myself back in January. I’ve always read a lot of books in a year, but I’ve never hit the 100 book mark, and for some reason I decided 2023 was going to be the year I did this. I had no idea how many books 100 books really is, but ya’ll, that’s a LOT of books! I track my reading progress on Goodreads, and there you can enter your goal for the year and they’ll tell you how you’re doing in terms of being on pace to meet that goal. I’ve always been 2-3 books ahead of schedule until August when I started doing these blog posts again (which I love doing!). But now it’s telling me I’m a couple books behind schedule and I realized I needed a week to try and get some reading done!
I’ve learned a couple of things this year about my reading life that I think have been helpful. One, I do think setting a goal is helpful. It can be a crazy one or it can be “I want to read 4 books this year.” The specific number doesn’t matter, what matters is the idea that you have a goal to reach which I think does help motivate some of us to keep picking up another book when you finish the previous one. That’s what helps build reading momentum. However my second thing I’m realizing is that 100 books is probably too many for me in a year given that I have other things I’m also trying to do in my free time (learning to knit, writing more, working on art projects, baking more). It’s awesome to have hobbies, I’m just realizing turning a hobby into such a huge task has made it difficult to know how to balance that with other things in my life. I’m determined to hit it this year, but next year I don’t think I want to throw such a big number out there so that reading doesn’t ever feel like this thing I have to do at a frantic pace.
And three, the biggest thing I realized a little while ago is that I think most people who reach that 100 book goal (or more, I know moms who can hit 200 books in a year which is mind blowing to me) is that they must use audiobooks to get themselves there. I’ve long been on the record as not being an audiobook fan. At least for myself. My kids love them, but I just haven’t ever gotten into them. I absolutely believe listening still counts as reading, I just haven’t ever ventured into this field before. I’ve been working on that this year though and have now listened to 4 or 5 audio books and they’ve been a great way to get more reading in while I’m doing so many other things. I’ve listened at the gym, on walks, while driving, folding lots of laundry, doing diamond art in the evening, and general housecleaning. My podcast listening is definitely taking a hit (you can’t keep up with everything!) but I know if I want to hit that century mark this year I’m going to spend quite a bit of time with audiobooks this fall. So with that, does anyone have any favorite listens they’ve experienced? I’d love some recommendations!
I’m still trying to figure out how to best balance reading and writing so there will probably be weeks where there isn’t a Friday post, you can just assume I got behind on my reading pace and Goodreads is cracking the imaginary whip that week ;).
**THREE**
Speaking of audio books. My third thing this week was a book that blew me away. This book wasn’t anything like I was expecting, and I could not believe how much I loved it. I Take My Coffee Black by Tyler Merritt is one of the best books I’ve read this year, hands down. The audio version was such a treat as he reads it himself and interjects all kinds of things that aren’t in the print version. Tyler is a musical theater-loving, band member, former youth pastor, kids Sunday school teacher, man full of a deep love for Jesus and people. He’s a Nashville resident who sort of accidentally became famous when, in the wake of racial tensions in the past five years self produced a simple youtube video of himself talking to the camera introducing himself. It was called Before You Call the Cops and simply invited those of us with white skin to consider that just because someone is big and black with dreadlocks does not mean they are a threat to our safety. It’s a powerful video, worth watching, that caught the attention of Jimmy Kimmel a few years ago in the wake of George Floyd’s death. Kimmel played it on his show and Tyler went absolutely viral. His book is really his story, all his mistakes, his moments of celebration, what it was like to be a black young man trying to avoid gang culture at his public high school in Las Vegas in the 90s. His story of getting tricked into going to church camp by his mom who told him there would be a lot of pretty girls there had me howling with laughter, causing my kids to ask what was so funny (especially the part where he wore his giant goose down jacket to said church camp because it looked SO cool. Except it was an outdoor camp in Las Vegas in July. So his reflections of his wardrobe choices were hilarious!). His reflections on shame and what that does to a person brought tears to my eyes. The way he spoke about the power of musical theater and what that meant to him was something I could absolutely resonate with, and his love of the arts was captivating for me. This was one of my 5 star reads for the year and I would absolutely invite anyone to pick this one up. Your heart will grow. And be broken. And put back together again.
**FOUR**
If anyone needs a fantastic holiday gift for a kid in their life, Asher would like to highly recommend a subscription to a Kiwi Crate Box. I know, they’ve been around for a long time, so most of you probably have already heard of them, but if not, Kiwi Crate is a company that puts together activity boxes for kids that they mail out once a month. They have boxes for all ages, some based on art, some on STEM activities, one subscription is even a kids cooking experiment box. Since last Christmas Asher has gotten their basic Kiwi Crate box which is a new STEM activity every month for kids ages 6-9. I cannot tell you how much he loves his box. When they arrive I’ve been putting them away to pull it out when I need him to be entertained. This past week I brought one out during the Jags game since he has no interest in watching. It was a box with two different hydraulic activities to build and play with. It kept him busy all afternoon. What I love is he can do almost the entire thing himself and he’s so proud of what he creates. So if anyone needs a great gift idea check out their line of subscription boxes!
**FIVE**
We’ve had a pretty grey week here in Florida this week, with a decent amount of (much needed!) rain, and while it hasn’t been really cool yet (come on fall! We are ready and waiting!) the temperature has dropped just enough that serving a crock pot of soup doesn’t feel completely insane. My favorite thing to put in the crock pot is absolutely a soup of any kind, soup can’t be over cooked, and for many recipes the flavor only improves the longer you let them ingredients simmer together. This recipe for White Chicken Black Bean Chili is no exception. Don’t let the list of ingredients deter you, it really is one of those “dump it all in the crock pot and walk away” kind of meals and I can’t even tell you how incredible the flavor is. I made this last fall for my folks and my mom talked about it for days and took home the recipe. Don’t skip the toppings—add some crushed tortilla chips, cilantro. avocado, cheese, whatever flavor you like to the top and serve with a side of cornbread and you will be the happiest fall-embracing person in your town. I promise.
